we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
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Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
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If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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