I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize