My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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