you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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