I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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