Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize