everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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