dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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