i love accidental penises.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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