6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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