im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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