new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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