I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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