Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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