girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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