How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize