I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
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At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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