my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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