WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
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I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
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Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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