turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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