lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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