I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
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Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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