I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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