now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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