Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize