Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
there is glitter all over my balls
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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