You're a womanizer and a bitch.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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