I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize