he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
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I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
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I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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