I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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