I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize