wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize