I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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