could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Mom said you looked used
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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