You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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