He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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