I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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