They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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