i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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