I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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