with your own penis?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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