Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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