Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
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i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The beer is more important than you right now.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
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Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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