You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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