you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have aggressive nipples.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
