so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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