I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
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Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
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