hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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