that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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