He asked me if I "almost moaned"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
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When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
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I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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